I Got A Pair Of Brand New Roller Skates

There once was a girl who begged her mother

to buy her roller skates at a secondhand shop

because she thought it would be cool and maybe

she could form an all-girl roller derby team like in

that Ellen Paige and Drew Barrymore movie, Whip It!

She loved the skates so much that as soon as she got

them, she gave them one big hug..

(I'm sorry. I'm tryin' to give a good heartfelt story about

skates here so a hug is obligatory.)

Clearly this girl's got way too much free time in her hands

that she pushed and  pulled as hard as she can all day long (possible exaggeration)

 until she got her chubby feet inside the darn skates. Look, she tries so hard that it looks like

she's about to sneeze or have an orgasm of some sort.

 So she finally got them on and took 'em for a spin....

You know... To paint the town red or something like that..

Wobbly roller-skating virgin legs + a flight of stairs...

Well, you get the picture. It wasn't pretty.

 She got a big booboo on her elbow afterwards.

Okay, I lie. I got that bloody scratch 3 hours before

while I was longboarding in a dark abandoned alley.

Made me feel pretty bad ass until I realized it's going

to leave an ugly scar on my elbow. :(

The girl decided that she needed more time to learn the

ways of the great roller-skating masters.

So she opted to be zen and do yoga instead.

This kind of reminds me of the Wicked Witch of The West from

The Wizard of Oz when she got squished like a bug by that house..

I'm hungry and making this post reminds me a of song......

I need to get a life... Or maybe do yoga for real...